Empathic Listening

   What are some of the happiest moments of your life that you re-imagine endlessly?   Is it learning of a pregnancy? Scoring the game-winning shot?  Being accepted into a school, organization or program? Buying your first house? Becoming engaged? Or perhaps some other simpler pleasure such as discovering a new recipe or finding the perfect card for an old friend. These are all moments that possess an immeasurable positive quality that is sometimes difficult to explain adequately.  What can be even more perplexing is when someone else fails to even begin to appreciate the enormous weight of meaning and value that are placed on these events.  

    When someone doesn’t share our perspective or opinion, we can become determined to correct them, to enlighten them, to “broaden their sense of appreciation,” or engage in some other actions to point out their errors.  Sometimes we unintentionally dismiss or invalidate the perspectives of others.  When we fail to attempt to better understand their perspective and insist upon the accuracy and superiority of our opinions we can create an environment that is harmful and damaging.  

    We often encourage people to invite others to come to church, to attend an event or to share a meal.   A genuine invitation is an offer that can be accepted or declined without necessarily damaging or changing a relationship.  If the response to the invitation is accompanied by the possibility of a negative consequence, the invitation is probably better categorized as an order or a proposal.  

    During our visioning sessions, we’ve spent the last year considering the ways that we can become more involved in the ways that God is moving in the world beyond the walls of the church. Rather than simply trying to plan more events to get people to come to the church, we have been exploring ways that we can encounter the presence of God in the community.

    There are many wonderful ministries being offered inside the walls of the church or on the church campuses.  There are also many opportunities for ministry in the neighborhoods around our campuses, in the schools with whom we’ve formed partnerships and in the homes of members, visitors and friends who live near the campuses and in the far reaches of our nation and our world.  

    Then Jesus told them this parable: 4 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent (Luke 15:3-7).

    Each week, we record statistics of the numbers of people in worship; the number of children and youth in Sunday school; the number of adults in Bible study and small groups; the amount of food distributed; the numbers of families served; the amount of money collected and spent; the number of cards mailed to members unable to come to worship; and on and on.  We also record statistics of the numbers of people who are missing—the ones we’ve baptized, confirmed, welcomed, served, but we haven’t seen in weeks, months or even years.  

    If you’ve never, ever been lost, it may be difficult to fully appreciate the impact of knowing that someone is concerned when you’re not present.  If you’ve never had a different opinion, experience or perspective from everyone else, it may be difficult to fully appreciate the importance of listening empathetically.  

    In her book, The Very Good Gospel, Lisa Sharon Harper includes a powerful quotation from Walter Bruggeman in which he notes “The vision of wholeness, which is the supreme will of the biblical God, is the outgrowth of a covenant of shalom (see Ezekiel 34:25), in which persons are bound not only to God but to one another in a caring, sharing, rejoicing community with none to make them afraid.”

    As we continue in this season of Epiphany, may the people who encounter us, whether at church, in the neighborhood or on the other side of the world, hear us speaking the angelic words “fear not, for behold I bring you tidings of great joy” (Luke 2:10).  We are the people of peace.

In Christ,

Jon McCoy